Diversifying Ruined

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!

Revealing suicide note tells of a David Widjaja that is vastly different from the impression given by parents and friends.

Note: This interesting story turns out to be an urban legend.

Remember the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University English 44A SMU, Creative Writing.

Prof. Miller In-class Assignment for Wednesday: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached. Quoting Prof. Miller, "The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Debbie and Tom.

STORY:

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
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Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
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He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
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Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress, left Earth a defenseless target for a hostile alien empire determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the treaty's passage, the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
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This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literat adolescent.
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Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
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Asshole.
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Bitch.

Has the humid weather been dampening your mood lately? If not, you must be in pretty cool air-conditioned place most of the time. Are you aware that air-conditioner needs to work doubly hard in humid weather? In addition, dust and dirt lower the performance of a aircon which in turn cause the aircon needing to work doubly hard as well. All these translate into higher electricity costs.

Introducing Cooling Breeze, a company setup by my friend which specialise in repairing, fixing, servicing aircon. It also provide free inspecting! How true is that? Give him a ring and you will know ;)

Introduce to you my friend, Alex Lee who is a specialist in this area. Check out his web site here. Mention my name as you might get a better deal.

Left: Parsley and Garlic finely chopped
Right: Sausage and Prawn. The latter is not a good ingredient here

Preparing the sauce
1) Saute the garlic for about 2min (make sure don't brown it else it will get bitter)
2) Pour in the tomato sauce
3) Pour in the plum tomato and break them into smaller parts
4) Put in about 1/2 tbsp of salt and pepper
5) Pour in about a cup of chicken stock
6) Bring it to boil before lowering heat and simmer for about 20min
7) Add in parsley before serving (fresh parsley pls)

This facebook loser lost to me on almost all occasions when he put all in. And after few rounds, he started to curse and swear to me. Click on the above picture to see.

Of course replying him would only bring me down to his level. Further, I reckon the only way to frustrate him is to ignore him hahaa what a loser.

It seems that a handful of people misunderstood my post on stomach flu. They thought I was admitted to hospital which in fact, it happened during my Army days, not now!!!

I shall not mention the names directly as they might not be wrong too. It might be the case where they are efficient and while I am not or I am efficient while they are not (CAPM crap, replace "efficient" with "correct").

N.B. Hi Amos and Patrick :)