Diversifying Ruined

Dear
Husband,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you
forever.

I've been a good
woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two
weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today
and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even
notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a
brand new pair of silk panties. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to
sleep after watching all of your shows.
You don't tell me you
love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and
wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the
case, I'm gone.

Your EX-wife


P.S. Don't try to
find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Spain together! Have a great
life!


*********************************************************************


Dear
EX-wife,
Nothing has made my day
more than receiving your letter.

It's true that you and I have been
married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've
been. I watch my shows so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you
got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look
just like a boy'! Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, so i didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you
must have gotten me confused with my brother, because I stopped eating pork
seven years ago.

About those new silk panties: I turned away from you
because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a
coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty quid from me that
morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work
it out. So when I hit the lottery for ten million pounds, I quit my job and
bought us two tickets to Jamaica ...
But when I got home you
were gone.
Everything happens for a
reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me.
So take care.

Signed,
Your EX-husband, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you
this, but my brother Carl was born Caroline. I hope that's not a
problem.