Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted ‘Crazy’ then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who’s blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was ‘Crazy’ and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, ‘What in the name of good GOD are you doing?’
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, ‘You are clearly stressed out.’ Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.’
I jumped down and walked out of the office.
So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who’s blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was ‘Crazy’ and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, ‘What in the name of good GOD are you doing?’
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, ‘You are clearly stressed out.’ Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.’
I jumped down and walked out of the office.
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, ‘And where do you think you’re going?!’
She said, ‘I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.’
She said, ‘I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.’
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!
Note: This interesting story turns out to be an urban legend.
Remember the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University English 44A SMU, Creative Writing.
Prof. Miller In-class Assignment for Wednesday: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached. Quoting Prof. Miller, "The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Debbie and Tom.
STORY:
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress, left Earth a defenseless target for a hostile alien empire determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the treaty's passage, the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literat adolescent.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Asshole.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bitch.
Remember the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University English 44A SMU, Creative Writing.
Prof. Miller In-class Assignment for Wednesday: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached. Quoting Prof. Miller, "The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Debbie and Tom.
STORY:
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress, left Earth a defenseless target for a hostile alien empire determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the treaty's passage, the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literat adolescent.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Asshole.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bitch.
1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. "Five Minutes" is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "Nothing" usually end in "Fine". (Refer back to #1 for the meaning of "Fine".)
4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it!
5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about "nothing". (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of "Nothing".)
6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's Okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you -- do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) If you say so: Men, take note: this is a trick. This is THE statement that means the opposite of what it says. When a woman says, "If you say so," she actually means, "you're an idiot; I can't believe I ever married you, and you better realize how lucky you are every day of your miserable life." She will then issue forth a loud sigh (see #5), and assign you a task worthy of your limited intelligence (although you will NOT be given the "five minutes" as discussed in #2).
9.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!
10 .) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong", for the woman's; response to be "nothing" ( refer back to #3 for the meaning of "Nothing") .
2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. "Five Minutes" is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "Nothing" usually end in "Fine". (Refer back to #1 for the meaning of "Fine".)
4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it!
5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about "nothing". (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of "Nothing".)
6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's Okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you -- do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) If you say so: Men, take note: this is a trick. This is THE statement that means the opposite of what it says. When a woman says, "If you say so," she actually means, "you're an idiot; I can't believe I ever married you, and you better realize how lucky you are every day of your miserable life." She will then issue forth a loud sigh (see #5), and assign you a task worthy of your limited intelligence (although you will NOT be given the "five minutes" as discussed in #2).
9.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!
10 .) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong", for the woman's; response to be "nothing" ( refer back to #3 for the meaning of "Nothing") .
Dear
Husband,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you
forever.
I've been a good
woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two
weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today
and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even
notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a
brand new pair of silk panties. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to
sleep after watching all of your shows.
You don't tell me you
love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and
wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the
case, I'm gone.
Your EX-wife
P.S. Don't try to
find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Spain together! Have a great
life!
*********************************************************************
Dear
EX-wife,
Nothing has made my day
more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been
married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've
been. I watch my shows so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you
got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look
just like a boy'! Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, so i didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you
must have gotten me confused with my brother, because I stopped eating pork
seven years ago.
About those new silk panties: I turned away from you
because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a
coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty quid from me that
morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work
it out. So when I hit the lottery for ten million pounds, I quit my job and
bought us two tickets to Jamaica ...
But when I got home you
were gone.
Everything happens for a
reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your EX-husband, Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you
this, but my brother Carl was born Caroline. I hope that's not a
problem.
I am sure most of you came across this on many web sites, tons of them. I am also sure that you might not have heard of the name associated with them.
Again, from my favorite Wikipedia.
Again, from my favorite Wikipedia.
A CAPTCHA is a type of challenge-response test used in computing to determine that the response is not generated by a computer. The process involves one computer (a server) asking a user to complete a simple test which the computer is able to generate and grade. Because other computers are unable to solve the CAPTCHA, any user entering a correct solution is presumed to be human. A common type of CAPTCHA requires that the user type the letters of a distorted image, sometimes with the addition of an obscured sequence of letters or digits that appears on the screen.John M Willis shows us the top 10 worse Captchas he came across below.
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Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said
"My Mobile No. Has changed..
Earlier it was Nokia 3310Now it is 6610"
====================================
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No he is not studying, they are Studying him.
=============================================
Ah Beng : Doctor, In my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
===============================================
Ah Beng : If I die will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry? Ah Beng :
No, I'll also stay with your sister
=========================================
Ah Beng : People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again..
===========================================
Ah Beng complained 2 Police: Sir all items are missing,
Except the TV in my house.
Police: How the thief did not take TV???
Ah Beng : I was watching TV news...
=========================================
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 complement"
-------------------------------------------------------------
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.
----------------------------------------------------
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.
-----------------------------------------------------
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ah Beng - why r all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
*****************************************************
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is "u will go to jail"
****************************************************
Ah Beng told his servant: Go and water the plants
Servant: It's already raining
Ah Beng : So what? Take an umbrella and go.
******************************************** *********
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not
in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM
Happy New Year to all! Most people should be starting work today with reluctance due to the festive mood still deep in their heart, mind whatever. Well, as a principle-centered person, he/she will not and should not be affected by mood, weather, festival etc. He/she will do things according to his own principle (correct principle that is). Put it simply; play hard, work hard. Do you belong to this group of people or are working towards it?
If you are still very bothered by the work you are facing on Chu San (3rd day of Chinese New Year), perhaps I can lighten up your mood by showing you the 1min clip belowat the expense of female.
If you are still very bothered by the work you are facing on Chu San (3rd day of Chinese New Year), perhaps I can lighten up your mood by showing you the 1min clip below
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign
reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice', she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good
Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and
Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help
with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the
sign
reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible
to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
ALSO:
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store
just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign
reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice', she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good
Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and
Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help
with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the
sign
reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible
to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
ALSO:
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store
just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked
lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting
hard already!
HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while
thinking a name of his
country and his mistress ask him 'is it In Dear?'...
RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because
every-night men get fresh milk & 2 papayas
women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of
starch!
ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls.'?
'Abdul Aziz '
'Sex? '
'Six times a week!! '
'No, no, I mean male or female! '
'Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !'
SERVICE
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and
sometimes you have to be
satisfied with self-service'
HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy
and .. Wife on the cover of 'missing
persons'
GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u
can tell a woman to take
off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.
VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her
tombstone to read :
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: ' RETURNED UNOPENED '
OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why???
Coz she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten
everything.
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked
lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting
hard already!
HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while
thinking a name of his
country and his mistress ask him 'is it In Dear?'...
RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because
every-night men get fresh milk & 2 papayas
women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of
starch!
ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls.'?
'Abdul Aziz '
'Sex? '
'Six times a week!! '
'No, no, I mean male or female! '
'Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !'
SERVICE
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and
sometimes you have to be
satisfied with self-service'
HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy
and .. Wife on the cover of 'missing
persons'
GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u
can tell a woman to take
off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.
VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her
tombstone to read :
BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: ' RETURNED UNOPENED '
OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why???
Coz she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten
everything.
Just a simple blog advertisement for a friend of mine. Why simple? Cause its not a paid advertisement, enough said.
Why orthodox? Cause her blog is pissing me off. Quoting from "ahfu", "as I read, I need to concentrate.."
Picture speaks a thousand words.
Why orthodox? Cause her blog is pissing me off. Quoting from "ahfu", "as I read, I need to concentrate.."
Picture speaks a thousand words.
Now, you might be wondering. Why was the blog link not given when it was a blog advertisement? Well, like I said, this is not a paid advertisement so don't expect big fat big catching fonts to display the url. The link is embedded in one of the full stop above.HAHAHA end of monday blues..
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